Does She Love You, He Said, It’s Complicated I Answered Back: A Story of Unrequited Love and Betraya
- downsandpicvestret
- Aug 17, 2023
- 7 min read
Hi. I don't really know what to say haha. I don't think anyone will see this. I feel what I went through is not as bad as what others went through. Like it's not a big deal, you know? But I have no one to talk to so um that's why I'm here. My life is not exactly normal compared to a lot of peoples. My family world travels, I'm usually surrounded with only my sisters and my mom and dad. I don't have close friends, we usually leave places before I can make any. And I think you'd expect my sisters and I to be close but most of the time we just want space. We're not rich, despite what many would think, we live in small apartments with usually two beds. It's hard to get space. But that's beside the point. A year ago my family had a falling out. A lot of things happened, they've always been pretty strict. My sister went to a party with some people she met. My parents found out, she had some alcohol, not really that bad. Despite it only being her their anger (my dads) was taken out on all of us. At the time we had our own room and were staying in an apartment for a whole year to make some money from English teaching. My dad took all of our stuff into his room, and when I say everything I mean everything. He locked all the doors in the apartment and made us sleep in the living room. The doors were locked every time they left the house. The only time we could go outside was when they wanted us to make dinner for them (chores) so we had to get food. There were fights every day. I struggle with adhd and with this happening all the time it just got so hard. A lot of things happened. they're buried somewhere in my brain, I'd rather not relive them. This is dragging on a bit long, isn't it? There was no abuse. well, I at least not physically. We were ruining their relationship, we were horrible children, we always miss behaved, they didn't love us. Remarks like that. My dad wanted to send me off to a boarding school, he only wanted to be with my mom. The reason my dad disliked me the most is that he is a naturalist. Meaning he walks around naked all the time and expects, no, more like force(ed) us to the same. He wanted us to literally be the perfect family, that's what he said. The second we entered the house our shoes, and clothes must be at the door. I hated this. If we did not do this our stuff would continue to be taken away, we would not be able to go outside, etc. My sisters accepted naturalism out of fear. One of them wasn't allowed to go to college unless she followed his rules. And who were we to call for help? The police? We didn't speak the language, and what was happening to us, it wasn't that big of a deal compared to things others have gone through. Despite being afraid I was so uncomfortable. I've always hated being naked, I don't know why. And this made everything so much worse. I was bullied for not accepting their way of life. I must do my schooling and nothing else. my dad took my bras and underwear and hid them. He thought the way I was acting was hilarious. I was terrified of him, still am. When I went to sleep, since they took away my bras I found my swimsuit and slept in that. My dad told me to take it off. He was really angry. I stood up for my self and I told him no. He said that if I didn't he would force it off me. But I still told him no. He grabbed me and forced off my swimsuit. I kicked him, but he wouldn't get off. He left some burns and rashes in the process. I wanted to die. This is it. This was the rest of my life. I went to the store by myself and hid there. When I came back home they told me they were setting some rules. that I have to take off my clothes, no matter what. I had to be a naturalist, or they wouldn't let me go outside (although I was used to this) I was painfully aware that if I didn't run they would take my clothes off for me. I was so scared, I can't even describe it. It's hard to even write about it. My dad saw me reach for the door. He grabbed me but I got loose, I sprinted barefooted to a store nearby and locked myself in the bathroom. I love locks so much. When I locked myself in the bathroom at home my dad took them out of the door. I just wanted to be alone but I wasn't allowed. I suppose I should've just accepted naturalism. Life would've been easier. But whenever I thought about it this horrible feeling washed over me. I was going to try to kill myself, to get away from him, but I was too scared to do that as well. Because this really wasn't that bad if you look at the big picture. After this experience though, unexpectedly life got better. My dad decided to leave and go back to America. He was done living with us. This is where the whole "you're ruining our relationship" comes in. It happened so quickly. He just left. My mom cried every day. I avoided being at home. My moms not that bad. I don't know if I can forgive her for trying to make me become a naturalist. For making me change in front of her even though she knew how uncomfortable I was. For letting him make me feel like I was nothing. But I know she was trying her best to be a good mom. She just was sucked into his horrible way of "living". He was gone for a year. He's back now, despite all the threats he made in his emails to her. I can't say we're living happily, we don't talk very much. I hate that he's here. But whenever I try to mention the past to my mom she gets mad at me as if it was all my fault. So that's why I'm here. I'm sorry for such a long message. I don't think I have ptsd. I have nightmares about being naked sometimes but don't we all haha. You know, forgetting to put your clothes on and them leaving the house? So yeah. so yeah that's it. That's my long and complicated story. All in all just wanted to talk to someone. It gets awfully lonely. ok bya
Does She Love You, He Said, It’s Complicated I Answered Back
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Christy's situation is an example of complicated grief. She lost her husband George and a favorite aunt in quick succession. Her husband had a chronic illness in which he had numerous hospitalizations, usually with positive outcomes. She had come to expect some improvement after a hospital stay, or at least stabilization. So when her elderly aunt developed a serious illness and took a turn for the worse, Christy thought her recently hospitalized husband would be OK without her. Unfortunately this was not to be. Christy was at her aunt's bedside when her husband died. Her immediate reaction was shock and disbelief, accompanied by a flood of remorse that she had not been with George, and a strong feeling that it was unfair that she had to lose him in this way. From the moment she learned of his death until she came for treatment 2 years later, she was overcome by guilt, blaming herself for abandoning her husband in his time of need. She repeatedly told herself that if she had been with George, she would have gotten him back to the hospital and prevented his death. Ruminating over this failing, she was consumed with feelings of yearning to have him back, and unable to function in her usual effective way. Thoughts and memories of George filled her mind, and she found it difficult to care about anything else. Her friends had become harsh, accusing her of wallowing in her grief. She was hurt, but, in a way, she saw their point. As she described it, time was moving on but she was not. It is worth noting that before George's illness, the couple had a strong and very satisfying relationship, in many ways the envy of their friends. By contrast, Christy had a shaky relationship with her mother, who she described as cold and critical. Her father was a nice guy but someone who could not stand up to his wife. He had died when Christy was in her early 20s, shortly after she had married for the first time. Christy always loved her father's sister who seemed like the only adult who was really interested in her.
To better understand what it means to be stonewalled, sex therapist and founder of The Center for Modern Relationships Michelle Herzog, LMFT, CST, says to think of your partner in this state as a literal stone wall. "A question I love to ask people in these moments is, 'When you talk to a wall, does it talk back?' The answer is most definitely no."
Iris : I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms.
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